This piece was written by Christina Murphy in response to an Irish Times Article on March 30 2010 (see link below) highlighting the debate over whether it is historically accurate and, indeed, appropriate to include lesbians in a new memorial that was being erected near the Brandenburg Gate, adjacent to the field of pillars that make up Berlin’s Holocaust memorial.

Recent plans to include lesbians in a holocaust memorial to homosexual victims of the holocaust men has caused an outcry from leading holocaust scholars who claim to do so would be historically inaccurate.  These scholars claim that the persecution faced by lesbians under Nazi control does not justify their place in the memorial. In wake of these developments, it is important to assess the persecution faced by lesbian women during the holocaust.

In Europe, Berlin was a zenith for gay and lesbian culture, with thriving magazines and publications giving a voice and a pulse to the community and societies and bars which tightened links between those on the periphery of Berlin society.  This all changed under Nazi control, magazines, were disbanded, as were bars and societies.  Gay men were sent in their droves to concentration camps, where they faced persecution, often at the hands of their fellow detainees, starvation and execution.

But what of the lesbians? Due to the theory that female sexuality was less threatening to society than male sexuality, many lesbians escaped extermination, but the storm of chastisement over same-sex attraction and same-sex relationships was still afire. What had been an epoch of gay and lesbian culture, had crumbled into ashes amid, raids, arrests resulting in the tearing away of a community voice. Facing a cultural collapse many lesbians were forced into adopting heterosexual lifestyle, such as entering into marriages to avoid persecution.  With the disbanding of the lesbian press and bars, lesbians lost a forum to make friendships, relationships and more crucially have their voices heard. According to those protesting the plan, these examples cannot be used to justify the inclusion lesbians in the memorial.  The genocide facing gay and lesbian people was not limited to the execution of gay men. What occurred was a cultural genocide, affecting both gay and lesbian people, which resonated through Berlin, many years after the Nazi regime.

Alexander Zinn, is someone against the inclusion using the reason that ‘a distortion of history as there were no known Holocaust victims targeted for being lesbian’. I wonder if Zinn is aware of the arrest of Henny Schermann a Jewish woman who was arrested in a raid on a lesbian bar by Nazi officials. She was gassed to death in the concentration camp Ravensbruck. Or perhaps the case of the case of Elli S, who, as historical documentation shows, was detained simply because she was a lesbian.  She was a not a Jewish woman and arrested simply was arrested on the grounds of her sexual orientation.

The veil of mystery surrounding lesbian persecution in the holocaust era needs finally to be lifted, so as to spread awareness about a gross violation of human rights, in the hope that people may finally open their eyes to see an active discrimination of rights, based on sexual orientation.  In the form of homophobic bullying and chastisement and of course larger issues such as LGBT civil marriage and adoption rights.

Can human suffering be judged on a scale of numbers? Should Jewish victims of the holocaust be remembered more than homosexual victims? Should gay victims be honored more than lesbian victims? Both faced persecution, to a differing degree, on the basis of their sexual orientation. Surely the lives of Schermann and Elli S., was worth the same as the life of any holocaust victim, Jewish, gay, disabled or otherwise.  Both of them deserved to be remembered and have the respect shown to them by this memorial. At the time of writing this article, a judgment regarding this inclusion has yet to take place. I for one hope that the inclusion will take place only to strengthen the cause of fighting for LGBT rights, but to remember those who died and were persecuted simply because of their sexual orientation.

Christina Murphy

The following speech was given by Noise Organiser,  Dr. Mark McCarron at the NOISE Flash Demo held outside Dáil Éireann during the debate on the Civil Partnership Bill 2009.

Gay: An ‘Intrinsic biological fact’

We stand here today with our families, friends and co-workers for two reasons.

Firstly, we stand here to acknowledge that, while the Civil Partnership bill might give solace to some members of our community who urgently need the limited rights in the bill, in reality this is not a victory for Ireland’s LGBT community. Our Government is forcing us into a corner. They are forcing us to participate in our own discrimination by accepting, out of necessity, the measures contained within the bill. And so, we stand here today to remind the Government that they have not done enough until they have actually granted us full equality. As equal citizens, we should have equal access to the fundamental rights of citizenship, including the right to civil marriage.

Secondly, we stand here today to highlight gaping deficiencies in the bill such as the complete lack of any rights for - indeed, any mention of - gay parents and their children. These children deserve a legal relationship with their parents and they also deserve the right to know that their parents have the choice to marry.

In this weeks Sunday Tribune, Senator Jim Walsh stated that ‘Many people may be inherently gay while others may be gay because of environmental factors.’

Lets educate Senator Walsh. Gay people possess an inborn, life-defining characteristic similar to ethnicity, race or gender.

Being gay is not a ‘perverse choice’. It’s not a result of ’seduction by an older gay’. It’s not due to ‘being raised by an overbearing mother’. It’s not the fault of an ‘absent or aloof father‘. And it is certainly not due to a ‘traumatic early heterosexual experience’.

The modern scientific consensus is clear: ‘Sexual orientation is largely decided by time of birth, partly by genetics and partly by hormonal activity in the womb. Social factors play no appreciable role’. The only ‘environmental factors‘ at play, Senator Walsh, are those in the womb.

The dry language of science is given new meaning when we look around and realise that there are very few lives in Ireland today that are not interwoven with the life of a gay person. A gay person, and not some abstract, obscure, unknown homosexual.

If we are to accept this simple fact, that being gay is not an acquired or learned phenomenon that cannot be magically cured (please take note Iris Robinson), then there must be social policy consequences as a result of this realisation. There was a time when the law allowed women to be treated as inferior to men. Today, we look upon such gross inequalities with revulsion. Now, that is not to pretend that intellectual acceptance of gay as an intrinsic biological fact will result in a sudden end to prejudice, bigotry and homophobia in society. That will take time. But at the very least, we should expect our Government to accept the principle that we are not deviant; we don’t damage the greater good, and we are entitled to the full range of human and civil rights. It is the job of Government to lead.

The Civil Partnership Bill 2009

Which leads me to the Civil Partnership Bill 2009.

In a succinct analysis of the Civil Partnership Bill that only an Irish mammy can provide, my mother asked, ‘Jesus, why are they trying to re-invent the wheel?’

Why indeed? Why are they creating a completely new form of legal recognition, when a perfectly good one, despite all its imperfections, already exists?

We stand here today at Dáil Éireann, where our legislators should be guided by the principles of our constitution, ‘All citizens shall, as human persons, be held equal before the law’ - yet where a law is being discussed right now that relegates a whole population of Irish people to a second-class citizenship.

There is no well-thought-out rationale point for creating a completely separate registration scheme for same-sex couples while opposite sex couples register their relationships with the state through civil marriage.

Their explanations for this consist of two excuses. Both hold little water.

Excuse No1.

A favourite tactic of the Government, designed to end discussion on any topic, is to hide behind the constitution. The excuse is that there is a ‘constitutional impediment’ to same sex marriage. Well, without being too technical, this is nonsense. The constitution does not define marriage at any point as being between a man and a woman. We are lead to believe the Attorney General has provided advice to the Government that marriage will be interpreted by the Supreme Court as being exclusively between a man and a woman. Their hands are tied they say - same-sex marriage just isn’t possible.
Well, that’s not their decision. That’s for the Supreme Court to decide. We say let’s introduce same-sex marriage by amending the Civil Registration Act 2004, let the President refer it to the Supreme Court and then let the Court decide. After all, the Government had no problem taking this risk with the recent Justice Bill. The Supreme Court will have a choice: impose a conservative, limited interpretation of marriage on the people, or agree with the people’s elected representatives in the Oireahtas and let loving and committed Irish gay couples marry.

Excuse No2.

It is the view of the Minister for Justice and EQUALITY that he must balance the needs of gay people against the shrill objections of tiny but vocal sectors of Irish society. I can only conclude from this that the Civil Partnership Bill is a cowardly compromise on the principles of equality. In a desperate bid not to offend a mystical and non-existent secret majority opposition to same sex marriage evoked by conservative right-wing groups, he actually offends decency and compassion. He clearly believes that quality of life for some people is secondary in this ideological warfare. He is wrong. There is no secret majority.  The real majority of Irish people are fair minded. Even back in 2006, 51% of people believed that same-sex couples should have the right to marry. The most recent poll in March 2009 found that 61% of people believe that denying same-sex couples the right to marry is discriminatory.

If they can do it in holy Catholic Spain, then surely we can do it here.

Children’s welfare

In what amounts to the most disgusting and shocking omissions from the Civil Partnership Bill, the children of same sex partners are completely ignored. For the record minister, there have been, there are and there will always be gay families in Ireland.

At this point, it is fair to acknowledge that people have real concerns about child welfare in this debate. These are legitimate concerns and do not automatically make a person a bigot or a homophobe. However, such concerns can be easily addressed when we look at the facts surrounding gay parents and gay families.

First of all, don’t listen to right-wing lobby groups. Don’t even listen to gay rights groups. Instead, let’s listen to the experts.

Over thirty years of sociological and psychological evidence has been accumulated on the topic of same-sex parenting. All of this evidence has been evaluated by reputable international bodies such as the American Academy of Paediatrics and they have found that, on balance, the children of same-sex parents fare just as well as the children of opposite-sex parents.

Recently, one of Ireland’s leading academics on child welfare has also examined the evidence. Professor Sheila Green is Director of the Children’s Research Centre, Trinity College Dublin. She says

‘Children within gay and lesbian families are not any more or less gay, they are not confused and they don’t suffer from mental health problems to any greater or lesser extend than children being reared by a biological mother and father.’

In fact, the major threat to the well being of children in gay families is that their families are not legally recognised. This is not to say that allowing same sex parents to marry will end all problems for gay families. It is widely acknowledged that significant reform of family law is required in Ireland to take account of the many types of family forms that now exist here. But, in the case of the children of gay families, every one of these children deserves the chance for a secure and legally recognised relationship with both of their mams or both of their dads.

This Government wants to exclude the most vulnerable people in society, our children, and this should offend every one of us present here today.

The marriage campaign

Finally, I’d like to talk about the marrriage campaign into the future. We stand here today at a defining moment for LGBT rights in Ireland.

The debate has raged: Do we take a stepping stone approach - accept civil partnership now, and solve some of the problems, in the hope that better will come along in the future; or do we demand nothing less than full civil marriage from the word go?

I believe that gay community is capable of a more subtle analysis than that.
As with many things in Ireland, it’s simple and complicated all at the same time. The goal of attaining full equality will require many parallel strategies.

Just as it is important to acknowledge that real people have real needs now that might be partially met if the Government goes ahead with Civil Partnership, it is also important to continuously articulate the goal of full civil marriage as representing full equality for Ireland’s gay community.

We do this today.

LGBT Noise, Marriage Equality, the gay and Lesbian Equality Network (GLEN), Direct action group EQUALS, the National Gay and Lesbian Federation (NLGF) and many groups from the wider Irish community such as Amnesty International and the Irish Council of Civil Liberties all believe the same thing. We all believe that civil marriage for gay people is the true equality outcome of this campaign.

I am confident that we in the LGBT community won’t direct our ‘righteous anger‘ inwards - we’ll direct it where it belongs: at a Government that continues to ignore both the LGBT community and the fair minded people of Ireland.

I am confident that the Government will find that it has woken a sleeping giant. The gay marriage campaign has acted, as demonstrated here today and in August when 5000 people marched on the DOJ, as a unifying and electrifying call to action. I believe that we are seeing our community undergo a re-birth. New generations of LGBT people are confidently taking up the legacy of the fight for decriminalisation and extending this to the full legal recognition of our loving relationships. With the achievement of a critical mass of political mobilisation, the many additional inequalities that continue to exist for the LGBT community can then be tackled and same-sex marriage can be achieved.

The marriage campaign is entering a new phase. NOISE will continue, through marches and rallies to draw public and media attention to our quest for equality. We will continue to send a clear message that we will not be pacified anymore by piecemeal advances towards equality. Everybody here today must become an ambassador for equality to your friends, to your families, to your colleagues and crucially to your elected representatives.

Those who love you will support you.

Well, Equality is not for sale!

Behind Enemy Lines- Meeting Bigot of the Month

by Christina Murphy

When I first logged onto LGBT Noise’s website, little over a month ago, I was immediately drawn to an article which featured fellow Wexfordian, Senator Jim Walsh, entitled Bigot on of the Month. Sparked, by his outright, unapologetic discriminatory comments about the rights of same-sex couples and his views on the upcoming Civil Partnership Bill, I sent him a strongly worded email expressing my views as a member and ally of the LGBT community. What I didn’t expect was a chance to meet personally with the Senator after he extended an invitation to discuss my views on the Civil Partnership Bill directly with him.

The meeting highlighted the Senator’s numerous misconceptions about the LGBT community, backward opinions about equality and about those who are still struggling in its pursuit. “Well there are different reasons why people are gay,” he continued, “I have spoken to psychologists about this.” It must be stressed that homosexuality is a natural trait that a person is born with, not a mental illness that needs to be studied by psychologists. When I asked whether the psychologists to which he referred happen to be gay or lesbian, he quickly moved on to the next topic. These remarks by the Senator were the first indicators I had that this meeting would be about more than the Civil Marriage debate and that this was a chance for the Senator to put me in my place.

The Senator spoke strongly about his conviction in protecting the traditional family structure due to children, which - as he has indicated numerous times - has been the main factor in his decision to oppose equal rights for gay and lesbian couples. He believes that same-sex couples are of a lesser “merit” than heterosexual couples because of the position of children in these relationships. By this logic, therefore, are heterosexual couples that chose not to have children also of a lesser “merit” Senator? What seems most interesting to me is that for someone who places such a high emphasis on the interests of children, he seems to neglect the fact that the Civil Partnership Bill will offer no protection or rights to the children of same-sex couples. In fact, this Bill denies their very existence. Does Senator Walsh encourage the discrimination against same-sex couples being carried on to the next generation? This cycle of discrimination is hardly in the interest of our children?

The Senator also focused on the breakdown of the family contributing to problems which young people – most specifically depression. He claimed that women working outside the home are a main factor in this. As a nineteen-year-old young woman I felt greatly offended by this remark, as I’m sure most women would be. Senator Walsh would appear to argue that a mother – like mine – having a career outside the home is too great a sacrifice to put on the cohesion of the family unit: I strongly disagree. This is 2009 and yet the Senator seems to disregard the Women’s Rights Movement. There are many ways for a mother and indeed a father to show love and support for their family. As my mother was the main breadwinner in my home, were it not for her, I quite simply would not have the same access to education and opportunities that I experience on a daily basis. Although my mother spends some of her time caring for us outside the home, our family have experienced no less love and support than a family who has a mother supporting from within it. It is my mother’s right to choose how she lives her life and supports her family.

And then to the question of LGBT equality. I asked the Senator if he believes in it. If by equality you mean that all people are born the same and deserve to be treated thus, then the answer unsurprisingly is no. He believes that because people are born with different traits and different abilities, such as being better at maths or talented musically (the Senator’s examples, not my own), that equality as an ideology is unfounded. From the meeting I gathered that he believes that equality is overrated. He completely belittled the pursuit of equal marriage rights by suggesting that it is simply the pursuit of having what you can’t have – a consumerism of rights if you like. He said that the gay community should realise that they simply do not need civil marriage and their desire for it is not based on looking for tangible rights, rather it is based on looking to “what other people have”: like an iPhone maybe Senator? To have my pursuit for civil rights belittled into something petty and pedantic infuriated me more than any of the comments the Senator had made before. He seems to believe that a consumerism of rights is what the civil marriage battle has been about, not the battle for equality. But then he doesn’t believe in that, does he?

The Senator broke for the last time from the topic when he asked me to explain how members of the LGBT community can be expected to be taken seriously when “men walk around half naked during demonstrations”. “You see the thing is,” said the Senator, laughing to himself, “If I were to call people fairies I would be called a bigot and all sorts of things, but David Norris says it all the time and nothing is said.” Yes I know the answers are quite obvious. Reason one: David Norris is a member of the LGBT community, who has done more to progress LGBT rights than anyone else in the country. Reason Two: Jim Walsh is not a member of the LGBT community and is doing his best to regress our pursuit of full equality.

I know that the events of this meeting will perhaps spark outrage, shock and hurt. But perhaps this is what is needed? What is more shocking, outrageous and hurtful is that this man has real power to influence the Civil Partnership Bill and further legislation concerning the rights of minority groups. So bigoted views like Senator Walsh’s cannot be ignored by us any longer.

In the words of Harvey Milk “I know you cannot live on hope alone but without it live is not worth living.” Following the meeting, I had a chance encounter with the great man who was behind the decriminalisation of homosexuality, Senator David Norris. Speaking with the Senator, he told me that he believed that Walsh’s opinions were influenced by his pursuit of support in his constituency of New Ross. This made me realise that the Senator Jim Walsh is merely a figurehead for the people. What we really need to change is our opinions as a society. Can we honestly say to our acquaintances, neighbours, friends, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, parents, sons and daughters that they are not equal simply because of their sexual orientation? Something tells me that the LGBT community will not accept such blatant bigotry any longer and will not settle for anything less than full equality. We, as a society, should stand and fight together in this ongoing pursuit of equality.

We must assert our equality to achieve our equality.

Rita Ann Burke sent us a copy of a letter (below)  she sent Minister for Justice, Equality and Law Reform, Dermot Ahern. Thanks Rita!

Dear Mr. Ahern,

I am writing to you with regard to the Civil Partnership Bill that you are proposing to enact with regard to same sex marriage.  As a lesbian woman in a long-term relationship, I am telling you in the most forthright way that I do not support the proposed Civil Partnership Bill. One day I want to marry the woman I love I refuse to accept anything less. I don’t want “an extensive range of rights and obligations” as your department outlined, in a response to a letter from the RightCampaign, dated 29th July 2009. I want Equality, I am either Equal or I am Not and at the present time, I am Not.  I am an Irish citizen I am expected to pay my taxes, to obey the laws of this country and I expect to be treated as an equal citizen.

Why can’t the Irish government learn from their international colleagues and see that civil unions / partnerships do not work. For example in February 2008 The New Jersey Civil Union Review Commission issued a report detailing how the civil union law has denied equality to same-sex couples - and instead, has brought legal, financial and emotional harm to them and their children. Visit a website from New Jersey, USA, Garden State Equality, www.CivilUnionsDontWork.com. There are videos of nearly 100 civil union couples and others describing how many employers in New Jersey refuse to recognize civil unions because civil unions are not marriage, how hospitals have tried to prevent visitation by one partner of the other, because the hospitals don’t respect civil unions like marriage.

The civil union law is failing in New Jersey, Minister, why do you think it will work in Ireland?  Please inform me of your reasoning to create a bill that reduces a sizeable portion of the population in Ireland to second class citizens and allows discrimination to continue. A large percentage of the Irish population marry in civil ceremonies all over the country, it is a simple change of legislation to allow same sex couples to partake in the same civil ceremony and afford us the equal rights that our brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers were afforded in this state.

Your department has used the constitution as a defence to the Civil Partnership Bill stating that marriage is between a man and woman – the constitution states in:
Article 41.1.1

The State recognises the Family as the natural primary and fundamental unit group of Society, and as a moral institution possessing inalienable and imprescriptible rights, antecedent and superior to all positive law.

Article 41.3.1

The State pledges itself to guard with special care the institution of Marriage, on which the Family is founded, and to protect it against attack.

Lgbt Noise states the following on their website www.lgbtnoise.ie

“The Irish Constitution does not, in any way, define marriage as being only between a man and a woman - the language of our Constitution does not prevent or forbid same-sex marriage. Under our Constitution, being allowed to marry represents the gold standard of dignity, respect and legal protection for couples and families.

The continued exclusion of gay couples and families from the protections granted in the Constitution is grossly unjust and discriminatory - something that is acknowledged by the majority of Irish people: in a March 2009 nationwide poll conducted for MarriagEquality, 61% said that denying marriage to gay people is a form of discrimination.”

And I wholeheartedly agree, use your money wisely Minister why create an entire new bill wasting tax payers money and civil servants time when you can legislate within your existing framework.

Same Sex Marriage will not affect anyone else’s marriage and in these recessionary times it will actually be a boost to the economy with an increase in marriage registration fees and hotel/restaurant bookings, etc.

Minister, I want to be proud of the country I live in and am a citizen of.  I want to be treated as an equal in the country I live in and am a citizen of. Deal appropriately, equally and respectfully with the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender citizens of this country grant us the same rights in civil marriage as our family, friends, work colleagues and all other citizens in the island of Ireland.

Yours sincerely,

Rita Ann Burke

Hello. I’ve just read your e-mail about interviewing gay dads. I’m gay, I’m opened about it, I assume it but I have no children. Anyway, I feel like replying your e-mail if it can help you to prepare your interview.

My family is aware of my homosexuality, my mother is ok. I’m living a few floors over her. She’s ok with me being gay as it is part of my inner life. She’s ok as long as I don’t behave like a sissy old fag.

My father, things are more complicated. I think he’s gay but he never came out. I even guess his own father was the same. I’m not writing you this to tell you about my genealogical tree (who really cares ?) but about how situations can be in some families.

Important to me, I refuse to admit any kind of heredity to “justify” homosexuality in any family. Everyone has to assume its own life, its own sexual orientation, whatever it might be.

Looking back on photos of my grandfather, I’m quite sure he was gay. (I can be wrong, I’m ready to admit it). He was the perfect gay cliché of that time, the gay dressing code, the gay twiggy guy holding the gay glasses. He couldn’t come out as he was a jurist. He knew he might have been placed in a psychiatric institution. He turned to be director of a public hospital. He married, he had children. He fulfilled his duties, as society demanded him, as religion demanded him. Has he ever been very happy ? I don’t think so but it was a taboo to declare oneself to be gay (before WWII). He erased any doubt around him, at his time: he couldn’t be gay as he had children, his sexual organs were well working. Her wife was a beautiful woman, fond of modeling and composing. But her father was gazed during WWI, he died young and my grandmother had to raise her brothers, her family turned poor. My grandmother had to find a job very fast (civil servant, teacher) to bring home wages, as a good woman of her times, she had to marry fast. As she was poor, few men wanted her. I guess she made a marriage in name only. She has never been really happy but as a woman of her times, she only had to get submitted to her husband and shut her mouth.

My grandfather was some kind of John Edgar Hoover (the founder of the US FBI, an authoritarian man who decided selfishly what was allowed or not. In case of the FBI, Hoover was gay but very harmful to the US gay community. No press article could be published saying Hoover was gay and his associate was his partner. When a newspaper succeeded to, Hoover suicided himself. It is considered that Hoover was so powerful that if he had lived longer and had seen the Watergate scandal, he could have been able to bury it). My grandfather was that kind with his family, he could start terrific angers if we start to speak about things he didn’t want to. A terrific anger that forced anybody to change the topic of the conversation. Sexuality was forbidden, more exactly, we were strongly discouraged to deal with the matter (even on the strict biological aspect. When he had the prostate cancer, it was a whole affair to say what part of his body was affected by cancer!!! Biologically, it was only the prostate). My grandfather never took care of his children. He never took care of a toddler (In my opinion, fear to have a behaviour that may suggest he could be pedophile, as he already succeed to suggest he was not gay as he had children).

My father was the same: fear of children unable to speak. Disgust and terrible bad feelings when programs of humor (ie: Benny Hill) were showing women with wide open shirts and tiny skirts. My father still feels bad everytime I tell him: “Last night, my male partner and I went to have a drink”. And he may ask himself, everytime: “How should I behave if he tells me about lewd behaviours and practices”. (LOL! I won’t because I know how my mother would fire me telling me something: “Do you really need to tell me those kind of lewd details ? How old are you to lack such decency ?” LOL)

The marriage between my parents has been a failure. (My teenage time and the one of my sibling were awful). I guess that if my father has told my mother because he would have already proposed her the engagement: “Well, stop, I’m not sure of my sexual orientation, please let me take a while to find out”. I guess my mother would then have felt harm, obviously, but she would probably never got married with my father but I’m quite sure she would have remained a strong support of my father all lifelong. Maybe my mother, getting married with another man, would have kept that friend to offer him to be the godfather of one of her children.

But my father couldn’t, because of his own authoritarian father. My father had to get married otherwise there might have been a suspicion of homosexuality in the family and my grandfather might have been very odious to his son: his son would have maintained the gay suspicion over the family (and over my grandfather, over all. A strongly selfish attitude). I couldn’t tell my grandfather about my homosexuality. I preferred keeping it for myself. Very harmful: I started a deep nevrosis… I should have talked.

The relationship between my father, his parents and my mother were horrible. It was some kind of relationship seen in the film “Queen” (about Lady Di’s death). The same maze of relationship. Queen Elizabeth (my grandmother) always saying everything is ok, her husband publicly mute but always criticizing in private her wife for acting badly, stupidly. Their daughter in law always lively, happy, smiling, joyful, etc. A daughter in law always suspicious in her behaviours (always joyful, equal mood, very active…). And prince Charles (as my father), never able to take a firm stance between his father and her wife and a mother always saying: “Times are tough, they are no longer as they use to be, try to do your best as I did with your father”.

Wish my testimony may have helped you in any way ?

Friendly.

Thomas Mulvihill sent us a copy of a letter (below)  he sent Minister for Justice, Equality and Law Reform, Dermot Ahern. Thanks Thomas!

Dermot Ahearn TD Minister for Justice Equality and Law Reform.

Dear Minister,

I have been in a stable and blissfully happy same sex partnership for the past 10 years.  As courtships go however I think that is long enough thank you very much.  My granny used to say ‘Marry in haste – repent in leisure’.  Rushing into marriage is one thing she could not have accused me of!  Still it would have been nice to have had the opportunity.  I have sat and been patient and waited for government after government to do something about marriage equality and nothing has happened.  I, like many, many other gay members of the community have come to the conclusion that there has been enough waiting and its time for some action!

Beginning to write this letter I read back through the Dail chamber notes for the Criminal Law (Sexual Offences) Bill, 1993: Second Stage reading.  I have to tell you that it makes for some pretty depressing reading.  We have many of the same faces still in the Dail today and I can’t help but wonder what in hell have they been doing for the last 16 years that I still do not have the right to marry legally in this country as a gay man?  Sixteen years Minister is a great chunk of my life I will never get back.  Can you imagine how fabulous I would have looked in a tux getting married back in 1993?  Can you imagine the cost of the botox treatments I’ll need when I eventually see true equality for gay people in this country and I can get married? I say ‘when’ and not ‘if’ because in the words of the great Donna Summer ‘enough is enough’.  The gay community deserve full equality and we will not rest until we get it!

But of course back in 1993 my life was very different!  Back in 1993 I was only just plucking up the courage to ‘come out’ to some of my close friends.  Even if I had the tux I didn’t have the man!  Back in 1993 I was still afraid to be gay.  Minister what follows is a short history of my life and I hope after you read my words you’ll begin to see why I believe ‘enough is enough’ and why now is the time for equality.  I don’t write about my life looking for sympathy … I write about my life in the hope some good can come from what I’ve been through and some child  won’t grow up feeling worthless just because they are gay!

It’s the day of my Holy Communion and I can’t remember what I wore … but I can remember as I walked down the aisle of the church with my classmates that Richard Cleary had a cute bum.  I also remember receiving Holy Communion and thinking I was going to choke on the wafer – I managed to prise it out of my mouth and stick it under the seat in front of me without anyone noticing.  For years I felt guilty about sticking that wafer under the seat.  But hey, now I realise if I don’t get into Heaven it won’t be because of what I did to that first communion wafter!  After Holy Communion I didn’t really think about Richard Cleary’s bum or any other boys bum’s for a long time to come.  By the time I did begin to think about them again my thoughts were heavily clouded by the homophobic society I was growing up in.  Whenever I found myself looking at a guy I’d be guilty.  After all this was the 80’s and homosexuality was illegal.  Then came AIDS and if I felt guilty before now suddenly I was guilty and afraid.  Suddenly the playground in school was abuzz with the knowledge that touching the hand of a gay man gave you AIDS.  Living in Leitirm in the 1980’s I had as much chance of touching the moon as touching the hand of a gay man!  Or at least that’s the way it seemed to me at the time.  My feelings didn’t go away though – I still liked looking at boys – the guilt and shame didn’t go away either.  There I was one small boy in a rural community absolutely terrified to be who I was.  I had to conform and try to be the person society expected me to be.  I hated every minute of it.  I was being told by society I wasn’t equal – in fact society continually told me I wasn’t even equal to the dirt on its shoe!  I hid away and kept my feelings hidden away.  Not being equal meant when my friends were out having fun I was afraid to have fun with them.  I was afraid they wouldn’t want to be my friends if they found out I was gay.  I learned to live like this.  I buried my feelings and didn’t have to worry any more.  Some where along the line to help bury my feelings I started to binge and purge my food.  Every time I stick my head down the toilet bowl I feel like a piece of worthless crap.  But society had told me often enough that I was a piece of worthless crap.  I was not an equal - so sticking my head down the toilet bowl became my life.  Just before my leaving cert to avoid the whole question of girlfriends, I had (what I thought) was a radical and brilliant idea (no one had ever thought of it before I was sure) I was going to become a priest and devote my life to God!  I can’t get married, I can’t have children.  I might as well do something good.  Thank God I had the sense to knock that idea on the head before the church managed to screw me up more than I was already!  Then in 1994 homosexuality was decriminalised … The Government had finally decided being gay was no longer a crime, and they did it with style.  I can still remember a Fianna Fail minister appearing on Today Tonight almost crying because this is not was Fianna Fail wanted.  Europe ‘made them’ decriminalise homosexuality.  That was great – that made me feel 1000 times more worthless than I already did!  What a proud moment that was in Irish history!

My friends and indeed my family have been a great support to me since I was brave enough to come out to them.  On my first trip to The George I was dragged along by one of my best friend’s.   I was gutted no one hit on me that night.  But that probably is not your fault Minister.  When I think back on what I wore that night I was not so much ‘Gok Wan’ as’ Gok Gone Wrong’!  I could come up with 100 reasons why we need a Minister for Fashion , but that’s a letter for another day.

Minister, in 16 years time do you want to be remembered as someone who spoke platitudes in the Dail Chamber but didn’t do as much as they should for gay equality.  I have been brave enough to write you this letter and talk about my life.  Will you please be brave enough to stand beside me as we announce to everyone on this island that ‘enough is enough’ the gay community is as equal as any other community?  In return you’ll be more than welcome to celebrate with me at my wedding.  But more importantly you’ll have the chance to go down in history as a Fianna Fail minister who saw inequality and stepped across the small minded bigots in our society to put it right.

Yours in hope,

Thomas Mulvihill

Louise Fitzgerald sent us a copy of a letter (below)  she sent Minister for Justice, Equality and Law Reform, Dermot Ahern. Thanks Louise!

Dear Minister,

As minister for justice I feel like you are the right person to send this to. I know I am not the most eloquent of people and I can only speak from the heart, perhaps you wont even read this, perhaps you dont even care, but I will send it nonetheless.

My mother is ashamed of me…and not because of some obvious reason…I am not a bad daughter, I am not rude, I don’t get in trouble all the time, I try my best in every aspect of my life, I respect people and animals, I love my family, I am in college training to be a vet, and that used to make her proud, maybe it still even does…but all of this, all of the traits and characteristics that make me who I am don’t seem to matter anymore, and all for the simple reason that I was born gay. I did not choose to be this way, it is who I was from the moment I was conceived. And yet, my mother is ashamed of me, she does not want a gay daughter, it embarrasses her. She thinks people will talk about me behind my back and to my face and mock me and hate me and make my life difficult…and all because of the way I was born.

The way that gay people are portrayed and treated in this country is why people act like this and have these views. I know that if it was just normalised, that my life, and that of hundreds of thousands of other gay people in this country, would be so much easier. Because we are seen to be unequal in the eyes of the law, people will continue to treat us as second class citizens, even though we are not. I am a citizen of this country, I pay my taxes, I do not break the law, I vote when the opportunity arises, I am studying and working incredibly hard to qualify from college and get my degree and then when I do, I will find a job here and work even harder to become as valuable a member of society as I possibly can….but i’m still not equal…..and why not? What is the fundamental reason because I am confused. What is it to anyone if, in the future, I meet that one special and amazing lady, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her in wedded bliss? How does that affect you or anyone else?

I have been an active member in the gay scene for about a year now, and the people I have met in this past year…well, they are indescribable, I have never met such amazing, kind, wonderful, intelligent, loving, passionate, caring, welcoming and all round respectable people. And yet, some people still act like we are some kind of a threat to traditional marriage and family, that is just beyond comprehension, that these people are denied their right to be equal in this day and age is just disgusting.

Now, granted, I am a realistic person, I realise that some people, albeit ignorant ones, will never be ok with how I live my life but all I have to say to those people is-this is the way I was born, I did not choose this life…it chose me.

All I want is to be equal and I mean fully equal. Then maybe, just maybe, my mother can realise that being gay is not abnormal, and then maybe she wont be ashamed of me anymore.

I just want to be equal.

Thankyou for reading this,

Louise Fitzgerald.